Happy Birthday Mr. President

Dear  Hannesli,

I’m sorry. I’m sorry for the choices I make that keep you struggling and make it harder for you to move on from your past. I put you in the corner and rather ignore your cry, yet in the agony of silence I know I can hear you. My withheld anger towards the people who made your life unhappy has left you most of the time in sorrow. Isolation has become your friend, and if someone comes along to make things easier for you I distrust and drive them away, I believed it was for your own good if they don’t know about you. But I was selfish, many times in the past I let you down, I should have spoken up when you needed me to.

I admire your self reliance and self-acquired principles. Through your struggle you have gained talents and become sensitive to the things around you. You have become your own shepherd and follow your own star, but more than often I mislead you to shallow happiness and into the hands of narrow minded people.

My insecurities have hurt you more than once, it was never my intention to do so. You should know that your tears run through my eyes, but my weakness refuses to let anyone near you to give you a hug, it’s easier for me to lock you up in the closet. You keep on trying to reach out, but you’re hunting and it makes me uncomfortable. All you wanted is letting me know that no one but me can put an end to your suffering.

I hope in time you will forgive me for being afraid and mistreating you. I love you, and I know someday you will meet someone who can take care of you better than I manage to. As you run into that person’s arms, I wish she would see you, despite of me, and inspire you to let me go. But until then I promise I’ll try my best to find my way towards my horizon, and to your happiness… I’m sorry for being weak.
Will you hold my hand and lead me?

Happy Birthday.

Love,
s.j.

Comments

[Hil]

you're a pretty talented writer....